Cat Butts

Cats are vain creatures.

Ever notice that?

Icy is a sweet cat, don’t get me wrong. She loves my lap, loved for me to scratch her ribs and rub her ears. And she is a beautiful cat: a chocolate point Siamese with blue-blue eyes. She just has this penchant for thinking her butt is so pretty. If I’m at my computer, she’ll sit beside my mouse and stare at me. Her eyes get squinty and her pupils huge. Of course, I can’t resist. The instant I look at her, up she pops and turns her butt toward me. “Look, Mom! My butt is so cute!”

“Icy, I’d rather look at your face and your purty blue eyes.”

“Mom, but my butt -“

Different critters speak different languages. If a horse turns his butt to you, it means disrespect, a threat or both. If a cat turns his butt to you it means: admire this orifice.

In asking for much-needed attention, Icy will all but stand on her head at the edge of the bed or the arm of the couch. Presenting me with what she thinks is wonderful and I eye sidelong with reservations.

“Icy, please turn around.”

Her vanity goes to extreme when I rub her tummy and comment on her spay scar. Her vet loves seeing this, as it demonstrates that Icy will never have love children. She’s a love child herself, as it happens. I remind her she will never be a mommy and she doesn’t care about that.

Instead, she begins to wail. “I can never be seen in a bikini again!”